Its been a year since my last entry and let me say that many things have changed. The way my family is. My friends. and my out look on life. so here is what i have been feeling:
I may seem okay...from the outside... from the view of my friends, bystanders, and strangers. I may seem okay when my parents fight. I may seem okay when i see my sister and brother-in-law argue. I may seem okay when I am under stress or when I am secretly sad. But deep inside i'm not okay. I always want to enjoy the moment... my last two years at home before college. At the rate things are going its seems like my family is falling apart... My parents havn't talked in two months... my dad pays me to do his laundry... is this what love is? My whole life I believed that love was perfect... very movie-ish. In reality you will alway get hurt it seems. I feel alone going through this. My friends dont understand and my sister has her own problems to deal with. This is my life right now. I am thankful for all the things that my family does for me... its just I wonder what is going to happen when I do go to college? What will happen to my parents... will they still be together or with they split? Will i ever see them again...
All I can do is imagine... imagine the perfect day where my family are all laughing together on sunday during lunch, like how we used to not so long ago... By the coldness between my parents it seems like that was years ago. Everyone was happy back then... no big problems. No running upstairs when you heared the garage door open to avoid the awkwardness. Two more years... although i want to cherish my every moment here i know there is more out there for me. I have to admit that my mom and I have gotten closer since my dad has been MIA. I happy that I know that she is always there for me.
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