The way I am.

It may sound weird or familiar to you... but I have a problem. Not a big problem concerning health or anything major; to some it might not even be considered a problem. Well the thing is I really cannot talk to any cute guy. I used to be able to a few years ago... but I think this one fight my parents had really screwed with me. I know some people are who they are because of their family history. For instance, some girls end up being sluts because of the absence of their father. Well in my case, I'm not a slut and I do have a dad. In fact I see him everyday... I just do not really have a relationship with him. That could be a reason for my being antisocial towards most boys. A few times these boys have showed interest in me, but being the person I am I pushed them away. Only later to realize how bad a choice it was. Although I really do not like this form of behavior I have been exhibiting, I believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is suppose to teach me to step out of my comfort zone or take more risk... or maybe it is suppose to help be get over my fear of rejection. Sometimes I wish I could be someone else... a person who lives without regret, who has no hang ups, who does not care what others think, who takes risks... a person who is not a afraid to live once and a while... I mean really live to fullest...then maybe I would have exactly what I want and be exactly who I want to be. But then I take a step back and realize if I were that person then everything would be different: my set of friends, my family, even me. I wouldn't be me, not even close. Personally, I ultimately like the way I am, although I feel like I can improve in some ways, I like me.