I guess this is goodbye...

"Boy who shall not be named",

I am sad to inform you that I think this is goodbye. I have spent about a year being on and off about liking you. It was an irrational crush. I don't wish I could have taken back the time because it made me who I was. It was because of you I could not focus on my homework or in class. I would be constantly daydreaming of impossible scenarios. You made me exhausted because you would be kept running through my head. I never really knew you but the idea in my head of you was perfect. You were perfect... you SEEMED perfect. I would see your wall on Facebook and envy all those girls that would even get the chance to be close to you. It hurt because I had that chance.

I talk to you now. Though you are nice, all we can talk about is that video game we have in common. I would like to say we are friends, but I'm not quite sure. I would also like to say I am completely over you, but then again I am also not quite sure that is true. You always leave me hanging while we text and it really irks me. I become one with the 'typical girl' routine: constantly checking phone, getting giddy once you finally text me, wondering if what I'm typing is too much. Well, I'm over trying. I am trying to be your friend but you hardly give me a chance. It seems like the only way to get to you is talking about that stupid, addicting, video game and I can't live that way. It seems as though you only talk to me only because I play that certain video game. Well, then I think: Maybe it's a sign! Isn't this how most couples start? Them both liking the same thing and getting to know each other better? Then I think: This won't result in a relationship. If you did not play this game you would have never had the chance. But I do believe things are always meant to be. I believe there is a reason I play wow and so does he.

I know I should not play. My academics and the dreadful junior year would be more challenging with the game going on. At the same time wouldn't it act as a stress reliever? Well I feel like it's irrational, even my sister says so, but I might try and play with him. You never know until you do it, right? Also, even if my sister says its a bad idea, the best way to learn is through your mistakes so shouldn't I make my own? I think it's time to take charge of my own life and take responsibility for myself, because I'm tired for always being the person saying "I should have done it!"

This entry was suppose to be a goodbye to the "boy who shall not be named" but I'll just put him on hold. I won't fawn over him anymore, so goodbye to the fan-girl side of me for him, but I will go with the flow of things, which ever way it turns out. This is also a goodbye to the part of my being that held me back whenever I wanted to do something.

It's the season of fall, the season of change. When all those bloomed flowers fall to the cold weather. It is time for change. Time to transition to the person I want to be. To my past, negative feelings, bad attitude, and irrational actions... I guess this is goodbye.