Saying Goodbye to 2013

Going into 2013, I knew that this year would one of the most monumental years of my adolescent life.  I was right.  In 2013, I have experienced so many first and so many changes.  This year I had my first real kiss with Vicente from Chile, my first hot make out sesh with Nick H, my first time with Freddie, my first orgasm from Hayden and my first time sleeping next to a boy, Troy.  There were a lot of other fond and not so fond memories in that category.  (bs, vc)

This past year consisted of the first time I went to a real party.  It was also the year I first tried _.  From high school parties to college ones, I can say I had great highs and also some intense lows.  I would never trade the happiness I've felt from the good vibes and the company.  At the same time, I've learned so much from those nights and mornings were I completely regret what ever happened right before.

The last semester of high school was, honestly, the only semester I enjoyed.  I lost 25 lbs and felt noticed.  I was invited to two proms and had a new confidence in myself.

This year I graduated from high school and completed my first semester at college. I experienced my first time living away from my parents. I've learned so much about myself and who I want to be.  This year holds some of my fondest memories and some of my darkest recollections.  I'm not going to lie, this year has been hard.  I've struggled with school, my friends, boys, and internally with myself.  I was lost for a while.  It felt like I was making a lot of bad choices too often.

The first few months in college, I was trying to be the girl I always dreamed of being in high school.  The girl who was always desired and never rejected.  I was so done being invisible for so long. I didn't just want one person to notice me, I wanted everyone to notice me.  The first couple months it seemed like I was making out with a different guy every week.  I liked the attention.  The newness and excitement of college started to wear off and the homesickness started to kick in. I was on my way on a downward spiral.  I hit a low point that I never experienced before.  I lost it to someone who I didn't love and wasn't even close to loving. The weeks that followed were hard.  Prior to this incident, I knew I had to change but this one was the straw that broke the camel's back. At the time, I felt broken and I felt alone.  I confided in people but it didn't matter how many people I told.  The weight I bared never got lighter because it was my problem and I caused it and I was the only one who could deal with it.   After some time I learned to forgive myself and move on.

I'm still figuring out who I want to become but at least I know who I don't want to be.  I've learned so much and felt so much this year.  When I look back on 2013, I only think good things because the impact it had on me has shaped the person I am today.  So goodbye 2013, 2014 please be good to me.

Song I ended the year with:
Shake It Out - Florence and the Machine